Hello Again!

So about three months ago I realized it had been about three months since I last posted. So this is what I began writing:

"So it has been just about three months since I last posted anything here. I had had plans of writing on very particular days such as my daughter's second birthday, my mommy's birthday, my husband's birthday, the conclusion of my spring semester, the day of my younger brother's graduation, etc, and reflecting on the day, the memories, and the things I felt through experiencing each day. Unfortunately however, the stresses and time commitment of being mommy to a crazy two year old, taking care of a home and a dog, planning a surprise party, and adding sixteen credit hours of school for eight weeks made life insane for quite a while, putting the kabash on my plans for this blog.

Well, it's been three months since my last post, and about a month since the Spring 2011 semester ended, so it feels like now is the appropriate time to catch up and begin anew upon this lovely platform.

In my last substantial post, I wrote about the stress and insanity I had been feeling and the things I had chosen to do in order to deal with life's craziness. Well, meditating on my own did not go so well, since focusing on my breath made me fall asleep because it's what I have used for years in order to fall asleep at night. So in planning my final semester at COD during summer 2011, I opted to look for a meditation class in which I could at least learn about the practice. Well, I must say, I lucked out like no other because I found Social Science 1800 which is Meditation 1101, taught by John Cianciosi."

Well it's been three months since I started that post, and it's now September!!! Where has all the time gone??? I have since completed my AA degree at COD, it's only taken four freakin years! And I still have yet to find a job. BOO. So since mid-August I've been 100% stay-at-home mommy and wifey while the lovely hubby has FINALLY gone back to school because his company is paying for it, thank the big man upstairs! I guess life really does work itself out in strange ways. So I am forgoing on my little catch-up post, as I no longer see the need for it since SIX FREAKIN MONTHS have passed and far too many things have happened. You've been given the most important info here already, and I prefer to write about the here and now and how I've been viewing the world and me in it lately.

Hope you enjoy the next post!
~KDBugs

Some of my favorite current songs/music videos

Because it's hysterical, and because Trace Adkins is a sexy man...
"Brown Chicken Brown Cow" Trace Adkins
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzQ4qdlhurc

Laid back, feel good party music
"Smoke a little smoke" Eric Church
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxWjtWONuGc

Because he is AMAZING and this song kicks serious butt!!!
"Dirt Road Anthem" Jason Aldean
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ5IIDn_JXE

Song is so true, she is awesome, and the video is hysterical (by the way, that's miss Miranda Lambert and her gals Kelly Pickler, Hillary Scott from Lady Antebellum, and Laura Bell Bundy... kick ass group of ladies!)
"Only Prettier" Miranda Lambert
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Pp66FNd54M

Overcoming stress and learning to manage it properly...

So it's been about two weeks again since I last wrote. I've been working on the condo, getting some early spring cleaning done, and preparing for my next 12 credit hours worth of classes to start (since I was already enrolled in one 4 credit hour class that started in January). Lately I've been very stressed out. I think it has been a huge combination of dealing with the anniversary of my grandmother's passing, dealing with the fact that my home is not always PERFECTLY neat and orderly, dealing with the anticipation of being enrolled in 16 credit hours this semester when the minimum for full time is 12, and maybe a hint of PMDD and the fact that I have a nearly two-year-old running around (where the hell did THOSE two years go???).

In all I have been very on edge lately; easily aggravated, angry a LOT, easily saddened, and emotionally drained basically. The thing about it all is, I could not for the life of me figure out why I kept getting so angry and frustrated with the smallest things in the world (i.e. the fact that I couldn't open a juice container, the fact that I couldn't get a drywall anchor into the wall of the closet, etc.) and upset and ashamed over what seemed like nothing (i.e. the fact that the inside of my car was filthy after months of driving around in Chicago winter weather, a toddler throwing and spilling food all over the backseat, and a massive fur-ball of a dog I call a pet riding in the front seat and shitting on my hat!).

My lovely cousin recommended about this time last year that I read Melody Beattie's Codependent No More in order to learn to let go of the little things that I have no real control over. I learned a hell of a lot about how to deal with my relationships with others, and how not to let their baggage get me down. However, I apparently did not learn much about how to deal with my relationship with MYSELF. So I've decided I need some form of an outlet, and some way to relax regularly and manage my stress level appropriately.

My BEAUTIFUL cousin/MOH and me on my wedding day. Oh! and the Hubby...

My same lovely cousin practices Buddhism (sofar as I am aware), and has recently learned Reiki (which I am THOROUGHLY interested in and excited about learning more about from her awesome ass!) On my wedding day, we were waiting in the bathroom/locker room/ lounge area of the wedding hall a few minutes before the ceremony began, and my chest turned bright pink with nerves (my mother and I, and many of the other crazy women on my maternal grandmother's side turn bright pink or red when they are nervous, infuriated, or stressed)... I... was stressed and NERVOUS! My lovely MOH/cousin came to me and said (and I paraphrase) "do me a favor, and take some very deep breathes with me, it will help with the pink in your chest" (btw, I love her for being such an awesome MOH throughout the entire day, I don't know anyone else who would have thought about calming a brides nerves enough to clear the pink in her skin so that it doesn't show in pictures!). And what would you know, it worked! There was no sign of pink or nerves in any of the photos, and it was cleared within about two minutes before I walked down the aisle!

So after speaking to my lovely guru crazy cousin whom I love about my INSANE stress levels, I have decided to learn some meditation, and have taken advantage of my lovely Silent E's interest in wanting to learn yoga as I have wanted to for some time.

Goals for mediation and yoga: Learn to manage my stress appropriately rather than lashing out, holding feelings in,
or becoming overwhelmingly upset and angry; to become more at peace with myself, my life, and its circumstances; to
become more aptly able to deal with the roller coaster of life efficiently and effectively.

Here is the website I have started with my meditations, I plan to do some research and purchase a recommended book that will help guide me further. http://www.how-to-meditate.org/why-learn-to-meditate.htm/

Also, here is the website for The Yoga Boutique which is where Silent E and I will be beginning our awesome yoga experience together! http://www.theyogaboutiquechicago.com/

Also, an update on my search for personal care products that are green, natural, and SAFE: I started with the Burt's Bees brand, since I already had some Baby Bee shampoo/bathwash for my little one. So far, I am pleased with the Baby Bee line, as I have been using the Baby Bee Tear Free Shampoo & Wash, and the Baby Bee Original Nourishing Lotion on my little peanut. It smells good, doesn't hurt her eyes, and moisturizes well. Best of all, there's not Phthalates, parabens, or petrochemicals, and it's hypo-allergenic!

I have also been using Burt's Bees More Moisture Shampoo and Conditioner with Brazil Nut and Pomegranate, which I must say I am not very pleased with. It has a very bitter, almost pukey smell to it, and the shampoo tangles my hair and makes it stick together during wash. The conditioner works well, but it still has that icky smell to it. I also decided to use the Burt's Bees Radiance Exfoliating Body Wash with royal Jelly and Jojoba beads, along with the Radiance Body lotion with royal jelly. I must say, I'm not very pleased with either one. The Body wash is OK, it doesn't smell bad, but it doesn't exfoliate as well as I would like it too and it's pretty watery. The lotion I'm not very pleased with at all, as it is also very watery, and doesn't moisturize as much as I need it to. It also has a funny smell to it which reminds me of a snack my mom used to make around Christmas time (oyster crackers baked with some particular herbs and seasonings... not something you want to smell like). Also, the lotion contains natural mica which is "to enhance skin tone". However, although I do not mind a hint of sparkle on my skin, it took nearly three showers without using any of the Burt's Bees lotion or body wash to get the mica off of my skin... gross! Overall I must say, I am pleased with the Baby  Bee line, however, I could definitely do without the More Moisture line of hair cleansing products and the Radiance skin care line. But I won't give up on Burt's Bees yet, as soon as I'm through with my stinky purchases, I will replenish with yet another shot at Burt's Bees line, as there are many more options to choose from!

By the way... song of the day today is Darius Rucker's "This". The lyrics say it all...

In Loving Memory...

My High School Graduation
(L2R: My Brother, Dad, Me, Mom, Brenna, Gram)

Today marks the end of the first year that my family has gone without the physical presence of my maternal grandmother, Charlene Dianna Ogurek. As of February 24th, 2010, we lost her to an extremely long and ongoing battle with cancer. As I said here on the date of her birth, she was a truly amazing and inspiring woman with great determination and respect for herself and others. The past year has been very difficult for my family and me, as we had to learn to go on without the most tender, loving, compassionate heart that we will probably ever know in our lifetimes.

Words could never do my Grandmother justice; she was a loving and caring daughter, sister, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and friend who would do nearly anything she possibly could for those she loved. On the evening of my Grandmother's passing, her children decided it would be most appropriate for each of her seven grandchildren to say a few things about her on the day of her funeral. Although the impact she had on our lives could never even begin to be described, here is what I wrote about some of my fondest memories of my "Gram":

As I look back on the twenty precious years I was given with my grandmother, it truly warms my heart to know I had the pleasure of doing so many wonderful things, simply because she was a part of my life. I was given the glee of a small road trip every time we went to Grandma's for a visit. I had the fun of celebrating so many birthdays just by having lunch and picking out a new outfit with her. I was given someone to talk to for hours at a time while doing puzzles every time my parents were out of town.

I had daydreams of stories of the "Becker Brats" and Uncle Bob setting Aunt Betty on the sprinkler when she was all gussied up to go out. I spent summer days at her house planting in the gardens and cleaning up the yards. I spent April weekends in the dining room painting easter eggs with my brother and cousins. I spent afternoons interviewing her about WWII for many history papers over the years.

I spent hours helping my mom plan surprise parties for my gullible Gram, and many summer days traveling Europe and exploring with my two best friends. And I had the pleasure of witnessing the shear joy and amazement that swept across her face as she met and held her first great-grand-baby for the very first time.

Painting Easter Eggs at Gram's

My grandmother was an amazing woman who taught me so many things. She taught me how to knit and to sew. She taught me to "buck up" and be strong when things got tough. She taught me to always remember where I came from, and to love and cherish my family no matter their imperfections. She taught me to forgive, and that it was okay to trust again. She taught me to move forward, to aspire, accomplish, and persevere. She taught me to be gracious and accepting, and to have faith not only in God, but in myself.

My grandmother taught me to dream, and encouraged me to accomplish so many things in life. She didn't just preach to me about all of these things, she taught me through example, and by leading a life she was proud to own. She gave me the best friend anyone could ask for, and the greatest grandmother anyone could have.

The Becker Brats
(L2R: Marlene, Charlene (Gram), Betty, Judy Becker)

She was my only grandparent I ever really knew, and I am so grateful to have so many fond memories of her, and to know what a grandparent should really be. My grandmother had such an amazing impact on my life and on those of so many others, that there is not a soul on Earth who could ever describe her or the shear awesomeness of the things she accomplished in her lifetime and truly do her any justice. My only hope is that my daughter has the joy and happiness of creating as many wonderful memories with her "MiMi" as I did with my "Gram".

My grandmother absolutely adored my daughter. Every time we went to visit her at the rehabilitation center she was staying in when she became very ill, I would walk into the room with my Gracie and Gram's eyes would just light up. She always said aloud, "There's my sunshine!" Gracie always brightened Gram's day, and Gracie loved to sit next to Gram in her bed.

Gram passed away about a month before Gracie started walking, and about a month and a half before Gracie's first birthday. As I watched my baby girl take her first steps, I was ecstatic. But as I sent out a mass text message to let everyone know the news, I began to sob. I wanted so badly to dial my Gram's number and share my amazement with her. At Gracie's party, I found myself wanting to curl up and cry, and give anything for Gram just to be there celebrating with us. but in my heart I knew she wouldn't miss it for the world, and I knew she was there in some way experiencing all of this with us.

My Baby Shower
(L2R: My Husband, Me with baby, Gram, Mom)

A few weeks into the year, my mother and I had gone wedding dress shopping, and finally found one to purchase. That day, I went to visit Gram at the rehab center, and told her about the dress. She smiled at me and said, "You know I'm going to be there, Katie. I will be." I laughed and said to her, "You better be! Or you and I are gonna have some words."

Needless to say, planning nearly my entire wedding after my grandmother passed was extremely difficult for me with that memory fresh in my mind. I knew she would be watching over me that day, and would "be there" for every second, but I couldn't help but have quite a few moments on the day of my wedding where the tears just streamed down my face. I wore her bracelet, had a broach of hers on my bouquet with her picture in it, I carried her handkerchief, and had a bouquet of roses placed on a chair beside my grandfather at the wedding. As much as it hurt for her not to physically be there, I was grateful for the fact that she was no longer suffering. I miss Gram every day, and think about her even more. At times I can't help but stare at my daughter as she plays and think about how much she brightened Gram's days.

Me and Gram

About three days before Gram passed, and the day before she asked for the morphine, I sat beside her and held her hand trying my hardest to be strong and not weep at her bedside. Gracie began to get upset so my mom offered to take her for a stroll in the hallway. As I sat there and just stared into Gram's eyes she squeezed my had and smiled at me. I said to her, "I love you, Gram", and she smiled again and squeezed harder as she whispered, "I love you too." As a tear rolled down my cheek I realized I had nothing else I could say to her, that was all I felt and all I wanted her to know from me. Those were the last words Gram and I spoke.

In Loving Memory of Charlene Dianne Ogurek

January 25, 1935 - February 24, 2010

Song of the Day: Miley Cyrus' "The Climb"

ANOTHER NEW Feature!!!

After coming across a link to the website "Feministing" on my cousin's FB page, I have decided it is appropriate to add a section on this blog that displays links to articles dealing with controversial issues. This section is titled "The Right Thing", and is featured below "Song of The Day". Any time I come across an article that I feel is worth sharing because it involves an action which I feel is the "right" thing to do, I will add a link to the article in this section so that it can be shared.

The first link featured in this section is to an article titled "Breaking: Obama pronounces DOMA unconstitutional, asks DOJ to cease defending the law". This is a huge news for the gay community, as the person in the highest position of office in our country is defending the community's rights, and fighting for its equality. I am a strong supporter of equal rights for all; who are we to judge another based on their differences? What kind of nation would we be without diversity?


Thank you for your continued support of the gay community, President Obama. Congratulations to my friends and family members, another step in a road to equal rights.

~K.D. Bugs

NEW Feature!!! "Song Of The Day"

Nearly everyone who knows me realizes how much of a HUGE music fan I am. I grew up with the radio on constantly, and developed a taste in music to match both my father and my mother. I participated in choir from the day I was old enough to (about third grade) all the way through high school. I also joined the orchestra in fourth grade and learned to play the viola.

Violin vs. Viola
(The Viola is larger than the violin, but is
played in the same fashion. There are also different
strings on the Viola than the Violin, which creates
a deeper range of notes)

I can still remember the day our instructor came to class to introduce us to the instruments of the orchestra. She asked for volunteers to come try and hold the instruments, and I remember standing in front of the class with this beautifully old and broken-in viola thinking "THIS IS AWESOME!!!" I played viola from that day up until my freshman year of high school, where I decided I wanted to learn to play double bass (the giant cello-looking thing that you stand behind to play, yes! Imagine tiny little me playing a big old thing like that!).

In middle school, I dug out my dad's old acoustic guitar and taught myself to play. I convinced my parents to buy me an electric bass, and eventually bought myself an electric guitar (which I still own today). I formed numerous bands and participated in nearly every school show I could get into. I loved to perform...

Freshman year of high school was tough socially, and sophomore year brought on scheduling conflicts with classes, so orchestra got sent to the back burner. There was a semester that I decided I wanted to forgo choir, and I was MISERABLE the entire time!!!

Well, college happened and life did too, and I gave up orchestra for good, and I could not find the time to participate in a choir, nor did I have anyone to start a band with, so performing kind of hit the road too. But I still play guitar occasionally, and I sing CONSTANTLY.

http://shogoesbang.deviantart.com/

I could not imagine a world where I could not sing or listen to music, you would have to put me in a straight jacket, as music is my way of coping. I've learned that music has a huge effect on my day, and it allows me to experience feelings that I may not particularly want to experience at that very moment. I find deep connection with song lyrics, and love deciphering the story of a song and its poetry.

So I've decided to share a new feature here, it is called "Song of The Day". Each day I will chose a song that fits what I have been thinking about that day, what I am talking about on here, or what reminds me of someone I know or something I've experienced. All in all, these are songs that hit me emotionally, that I thoroughly enjoy the message of, and which I feel needs to be shared. The links for each song will be posted below the "About me" section of this blog, and I will hope to touch on the song and its topics in my posts for that day.

I begin with Miranda Lambert's new single "Heart Like Mine". I fell in love with this song the minute I heard it, and feel that the lyrics give a huge glimpse into the world of me. The message I get from this song is: Don't worry about what other people think of you, live your life the way you see fit and make yourself happy, because in the end, there is only two people whose opinions matter, and that is yours and your maker's.

I hope you enjoy this new feature as much as I enjoy sharing the music that I love.

Television, ASL, Marlee Matlin, Amazing Friends

I have never been a big fan of Television. I've never taken time out of my life specifically to watch a particular show regularly, nor have I been a big fan of having a television in nearly every room, nor have I spent major amounts of time watching television. Then I became a Mommy...

Sitting at home nearly all day, every day, with a little one running around constantly, it's difficult not to turn on the T.V. and just veg for a bit during nap time. So I began watching the general channels you get with an antenna now that cable has gone digital, as my husband and I hadn't had cable until very recently (like the last three weeks or so), when my daughter went down for a nap. She generally naps around the time that the CBS show The Talk comes on, and so I began watching daily.

We recently got cable, and now I have the lovely power of the DVR, so it's no biggie if I really want to watch the lovely ladies but I have something to do around 1pm because I can just record it and watch it later. Well, since the crazy snow storm they are now calling Blizzard 2011, I have fallen behind on my lovely show. So last night, I was trying to catch up a bit, and I made it through about three episodes. This is the episode I ended my night with:  http://www.cbs.com/daytime/the_talk/video/?pid=GSj_CUkPKeIWhclc9zrQ9osMUgoKRshf

The episode aired Thursday, February 3rd, 2011, and featured actor Jim Belushi and Oscar winner Marlee Matlin. I can honestly say, I really didn't know who Marlee Matlin was, I vaguely remembered from the show CSI, and I remembered she played a deaf woman on the show, yet I had no idea she was actually deaf until last night.

http://www.marleematlinsite.com/lifebio/lifebio.html

After doing a bit of research on her "official website" as they call them, Matlin was born and raised in Morton Grove, IL, not far from where I grew up. She also apparently studied criminal justice at Harper College in Palatine, IL, which is where my late grandmother attended college. Small world...

I was deeply inspired by Matlin's interview on The Talk, as the ability to communicate with someone who cannot hear you has always fascinated me. When I was in elementary school I learned simple finger spelling, the alphabet, and some basic signs from a friend of mine whose aunt was born with Down Syndrome, and had difficulty communicating through verbal speech. This was a truly valuable life lesson, which I learned at a very young age. As a girl who came from a family who had great respect for those who "different", I was raised to treat everyone with dignity and respect, and was continually told that it is inappropriate to stare at people with "disabilities", as I should treat them as I would treat any other human being who did not face the same life obstacles.

I was so moved by Matlin's responses to the women on The Talk when asked about raising her children with sign language, being in the entertainment industry as a deaf woman, and ultimately about her life. She is a woman who never labeled herself as disabled, yet had a sense of humor about the fact that she cannot hear much. She strove for everything she wanted, and lived her life the way she chose, not accepting her obstacles as a label, but embracing them as learning experiences and opportunities to grow.

I was deeply touched by the relationship Matlin had with her interpreter, who she has been working with for nearly 25 years!!! A very good friend of mine is studying ASL at Columbia College in Chicago, as she wants to become an interpreter for St. Jude's Children's Hospital, and I have always been amazed at how well she handles the challenge of learning what is essentially a second language to her. I did not quite understand the passion she had for wanting to become an interpreter until I watched this episode.

I am truly inspired by these amazing women. Matlin is inspirational not only to the deaf community but to the world as a whole; as she said on The Talk, "Why anything stop me from doing what I want? Just because I"m deaf... I'm not gonna sit back and be afraid, or be a victim, that's not my style." Her determination and her respect for herself is beautiful and heartfelt, while her energy, humor, and enthusiasm is refreshing and exciting.

As a friend of someone who is so deeply committed to and inspired by the deaf community, and as a mother striving to teach her child basic ASL from infancy, I have found an even greater respect for people like my girl (we'll call her Silent E), and the deaf community. Keep on being fabulous, determined, and inspiring. It is truly phenomenal.