In Loving Memory...

My High School Graduation
(L2R: My Brother, Dad, Me, Mom, Brenna, Gram)

Today marks the end of the first year that my family has gone without the physical presence of my maternal grandmother, Charlene Dianna Ogurek. As of February 24th, 2010, we lost her to an extremely long and ongoing battle with cancer. As I said here on the date of her birth, she was a truly amazing and inspiring woman with great determination and respect for herself and others. The past year has been very difficult for my family and me, as we had to learn to go on without the most tender, loving, compassionate heart that we will probably ever know in our lifetimes.

Words could never do my Grandmother justice; she was a loving and caring daughter, sister, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and friend who would do nearly anything she possibly could for those she loved. On the evening of my Grandmother's passing, her children decided it would be most appropriate for each of her seven grandchildren to say a few things about her on the day of her funeral. Although the impact she had on our lives could never even begin to be described, here is what I wrote about some of my fondest memories of my "Gram":

As I look back on the twenty precious years I was given with my grandmother, it truly warms my heart to know I had the pleasure of doing so many wonderful things, simply because she was a part of my life. I was given the glee of a small road trip every time we went to Grandma's for a visit. I had the fun of celebrating so many birthdays just by having lunch and picking out a new outfit with her. I was given someone to talk to for hours at a time while doing puzzles every time my parents were out of town.

I had daydreams of stories of the "Becker Brats" and Uncle Bob setting Aunt Betty on the sprinkler when she was all gussied up to go out. I spent summer days at her house planting in the gardens and cleaning up the yards. I spent April weekends in the dining room painting easter eggs with my brother and cousins. I spent afternoons interviewing her about WWII for many history papers over the years.

I spent hours helping my mom plan surprise parties for my gullible Gram, and many summer days traveling Europe and exploring with my two best friends. And I had the pleasure of witnessing the shear joy and amazement that swept across her face as she met and held her first great-grand-baby for the very first time.

Painting Easter Eggs at Gram's

My grandmother was an amazing woman who taught me so many things. She taught me how to knit and to sew. She taught me to "buck up" and be strong when things got tough. She taught me to always remember where I came from, and to love and cherish my family no matter their imperfections. She taught me to forgive, and that it was okay to trust again. She taught me to move forward, to aspire, accomplish, and persevere. She taught me to be gracious and accepting, and to have faith not only in God, but in myself.

My grandmother taught me to dream, and encouraged me to accomplish so many things in life. She didn't just preach to me about all of these things, she taught me through example, and by leading a life she was proud to own. She gave me the best friend anyone could ask for, and the greatest grandmother anyone could have.

The Becker Brats
(L2R: Marlene, Charlene (Gram), Betty, Judy Becker)

She was my only grandparent I ever really knew, and I am so grateful to have so many fond memories of her, and to know what a grandparent should really be. My grandmother had such an amazing impact on my life and on those of so many others, that there is not a soul on Earth who could ever describe her or the shear awesomeness of the things she accomplished in her lifetime and truly do her any justice. My only hope is that my daughter has the joy and happiness of creating as many wonderful memories with her "MiMi" as I did with my "Gram".

My grandmother absolutely adored my daughter. Every time we went to visit her at the rehabilitation center she was staying in when she became very ill, I would walk into the room with my Gracie and Gram's eyes would just light up. She always said aloud, "There's my sunshine!" Gracie always brightened Gram's day, and Gracie loved to sit next to Gram in her bed.

Gram passed away about a month before Gracie started walking, and about a month and a half before Gracie's first birthday. As I watched my baby girl take her first steps, I was ecstatic. But as I sent out a mass text message to let everyone know the news, I began to sob. I wanted so badly to dial my Gram's number and share my amazement with her. At Gracie's party, I found myself wanting to curl up and cry, and give anything for Gram just to be there celebrating with us. but in my heart I knew she wouldn't miss it for the world, and I knew she was there in some way experiencing all of this with us.

My Baby Shower
(L2R: My Husband, Me with baby, Gram, Mom)

A few weeks into the year, my mother and I had gone wedding dress shopping, and finally found one to purchase. That day, I went to visit Gram at the rehab center, and told her about the dress. She smiled at me and said, "You know I'm going to be there, Katie. I will be." I laughed and said to her, "You better be! Or you and I are gonna have some words."

Needless to say, planning nearly my entire wedding after my grandmother passed was extremely difficult for me with that memory fresh in my mind. I knew she would be watching over me that day, and would "be there" for every second, but I couldn't help but have quite a few moments on the day of my wedding where the tears just streamed down my face. I wore her bracelet, had a broach of hers on my bouquet with her picture in it, I carried her handkerchief, and had a bouquet of roses placed on a chair beside my grandfather at the wedding. As much as it hurt for her not to physically be there, I was grateful for the fact that she was no longer suffering. I miss Gram every day, and think about her even more. At times I can't help but stare at my daughter as she plays and think about how much she brightened Gram's days.

Me and Gram

About three days before Gram passed, and the day before she asked for the morphine, I sat beside her and held her hand trying my hardest to be strong and not weep at her bedside. Gracie began to get upset so my mom offered to take her for a stroll in the hallway. As I sat there and just stared into Gram's eyes she squeezed my had and smiled at me. I said to her, "I love you, Gram", and she smiled again and squeezed harder as she whispered, "I love you too." As a tear rolled down my cheek I realized I had nothing else I could say to her, that was all I felt and all I wanted her to know from me. Those were the last words Gram and I spoke.

In Loving Memory of Charlene Dianne Ogurek

January 25, 1935 - February 24, 2010

Song of the Day: Miley Cyrus' "The Climb"

ANOTHER NEW Feature!!!

After coming across a link to the website "Feministing" on my cousin's FB page, I have decided it is appropriate to add a section on this blog that displays links to articles dealing with controversial issues. This section is titled "The Right Thing", and is featured below "Song of The Day". Any time I come across an article that I feel is worth sharing because it involves an action which I feel is the "right" thing to do, I will add a link to the article in this section so that it can be shared.

The first link featured in this section is to an article titled "Breaking: Obama pronounces DOMA unconstitutional, asks DOJ to cease defending the law". This is a huge news for the gay community, as the person in the highest position of office in our country is defending the community's rights, and fighting for its equality. I am a strong supporter of equal rights for all; who are we to judge another based on their differences? What kind of nation would we be without diversity?


Thank you for your continued support of the gay community, President Obama. Congratulations to my friends and family members, another step in a road to equal rights.

~K.D. Bugs

NEW Feature!!! "Song Of The Day"

Nearly everyone who knows me realizes how much of a HUGE music fan I am. I grew up with the radio on constantly, and developed a taste in music to match both my father and my mother. I participated in choir from the day I was old enough to (about third grade) all the way through high school. I also joined the orchestra in fourth grade and learned to play the viola.

Violin vs. Viola
(The Viola is larger than the violin, but is
played in the same fashion. There are also different
strings on the Viola than the Violin, which creates
a deeper range of notes)

I can still remember the day our instructor came to class to introduce us to the instruments of the orchestra. She asked for volunteers to come try and hold the instruments, and I remember standing in front of the class with this beautifully old and broken-in viola thinking "THIS IS AWESOME!!!" I played viola from that day up until my freshman year of high school, where I decided I wanted to learn to play double bass (the giant cello-looking thing that you stand behind to play, yes! Imagine tiny little me playing a big old thing like that!).

In middle school, I dug out my dad's old acoustic guitar and taught myself to play. I convinced my parents to buy me an electric bass, and eventually bought myself an electric guitar (which I still own today). I formed numerous bands and participated in nearly every school show I could get into. I loved to perform...

Freshman year of high school was tough socially, and sophomore year brought on scheduling conflicts with classes, so orchestra got sent to the back burner. There was a semester that I decided I wanted to forgo choir, and I was MISERABLE the entire time!!!

Well, college happened and life did too, and I gave up orchestra for good, and I could not find the time to participate in a choir, nor did I have anyone to start a band with, so performing kind of hit the road too. But I still play guitar occasionally, and I sing CONSTANTLY.

http://shogoesbang.deviantart.com/

I could not imagine a world where I could not sing or listen to music, you would have to put me in a straight jacket, as music is my way of coping. I've learned that music has a huge effect on my day, and it allows me to experience feelings that I may not particularly want to experience at that very moment. I find deep connection with song lyrics, and love deciphering the story of a song and its poetry.

So I've decided to share a new feature here, it is called "Song of The Day". Each day I will chose a song that fits what I have been thinking about that day, what I am talking about on here, or what reminds me of someone I know or something I've experienced. All in all, these are songs that hit me emotionally, that I thoroughly enjoy the message of, and which I feel needs to be shared. The links for each song will be posted below the "About me" section of this blog, and I will hope to touch on the song and its topics in my posts for that day.

I begin with Miranda Lambert's new single "Heart Like Mine". I fell in love with this song the minute I heard it, and feel that the lyrics give a huge glimpse into the world of me. The message I get from this song is: Don't worry about what other people think of you, live your life the way you see fit and make yourself happy, because in the end, there is only two people whose opinions matter, and that is yours and your maker's.

I hope you enjoy this new feature as much as I enjoy sharing the music that I love.

Television, ASL, Marlee Matlin, Amazing Friends

I have never been a big fan of Television. I've never taken time out of my life specifically to watch a particular show regularly, nor have I been a big fan of having a television in nearly every room, nor have I spent major amounts of time watching television. Then I became a Mommy...

Sitting at home nearly all day, every day, with a little one running around constantly, it's difficult not to turn on the T.V. and just veg for a bit during nap time. So I began watching the general channels you get with an antenna now that cable has gone digital, as my husband and I hadn't had cable until very recently (like the last three weeks or so), when my daughter went down for a nap. She generally naps around the time that the CBS show The Talk comes on, and so I began watching daily.

We recently got cable, and now I have the lovely power of the DVR, so it's no biggie if I really want to watch the lovely ladies but I have something to do around 1pm because I can just record it and watch it later. Well, since the crazy snow storm they are now calling Blizzard 2011, I have fallen behind on my lovely show. So last night, I was trying to catch up a bit, and I made it through about three episodes. This is the episode I ended my night with:  http://www.cbs.com/daytime/the_talk/video/?pid=GSj_CUkPKeIWhclc9zrQ9osMUgoKRshf

The episode aired Thursday, February 3rd, 2011, and featured actor Jim Belushi and Oscar winner Marlee Matlin. I can honestly say, I really didn't know who Marlee Matlin was, I vaguely remembered from the show CSI, and I remembered she played a deaf woman on the show, yet I had no idea she was actually deaf until last night.

http://www.marleematlinsite.com/lifebio/lifebio.html

After doing a bit of research on her "official website" as they call them, Matlin was born and raised in Morton Grove, IL, not far from where I grew up. She also apparently studied criminal justice at Harper College in Palatine, IL, which is where my late grandmother attended college. Small world...

I was deeply inspired by Matlin's interview on The Talk, as the ability to communicate with someone who cannot hear you has always fascinated me. When I was in elementary school I learned simple finger spelling, the alphabet, and some basic signs from a friend of mine whose aunt was born with Down Syndrome, and had difficulty communicating through verbal speech. This was a truly valuable life lesson, which I learned at a very young age. As a girl who came from a family who had great respect for those who "different", I was raised to treat everyone with dignity and respect, and was continually told that it is inappropriate to stare at people with "disabilities", as I should treat them as I would treat any other human being who did not face the same life obstacles.

I was so moved by Matlin's responses to the women on The Talk when asked about raising her children with sign language, being in the entertainment industry as a deaf woman, and ultimately about her life. She is a woman who never labeled herself as disabled, yet had a sense of humor about the fact that she cannot hear much. She strove for everything she wanted, and lived her life the way she chose, not accepting her obstacles as a label, but embracing them as learning experiences and opportunities to grow.

I was deeply touched by the relationship Matlin had with her interpreter, who she has been working with for nearly 25 years!!! A very good friend of mine is studying ASL at Columbia College in Chicago, as she wants to become an interpreter for St. Jude's Children's Hospital, and I have always been amazed at how well she handles the challenge of learning what is essentially a second language to her. I did not quite understand the passion she had for wanting to become an interpreter until I watched this episode.

I am truly inspired by these amazing women. Matlin is inspirational not only to the deaf community but to the world as a whole; as she said on The Talk, "Why anything stop me from doing what I want? Just because I"m deaf... I'm not gonna sit back and be afraid, or be a victim, that's not my style." Her determination and her respect for herself is beautiful and heartfelt, while her energy, humor, and enthusiasm is refreshing and exciting.

As a friend of someone who is so deeply committed to and inspired by the deaf community, and as a mother striving to teach her child basic ASL from infancy, I have found an even greater respect for people like my girl (we'll call her Silent E), and the deaf community. Keep on being fabulous, determined, and inspiring. It is truly phenomenal.

A short story...

My husband and our daughter
(July 2009)

Mommy puts baby down for a nap. Mommy does some homework while said baby is supposed to be napping. Baby decides sitting in her crib and screaming as loud as she can and knocking on the window at people outside is more fun. Baby continues to do this for two hours until Mommy decides it's a good idea to change said Baby's diaper and get a new bottle for Baby. Once Baby's bottom is no longer stinky and Baby has a brand new, full bottle of milk, Mommy and Baby sit in the reading chair in the living room to read a book. Much to Mommy's dismay, Daddy comes home and foils Mommy's attempt at calming Baby. 

My Infamous "Fat Dog" Harley and Myself
Like many, Harley enjoys a good snooze
in the hammock with her owner.
Pathetic.
(June 2008)

Baby jumps off Mommy's lap to greet Daddy at the door. Mommy decides to resume her studies. Daddy goes to the bedroom to change out of his work attire, while Baby continues to play in the living room. Suddenly, Baby decides to take off running down the hall. Mommy decides this is alright because she knows Baby is going to look for Daddy, where she will find him in the bedroom. When Baby and Daddy do not come back down the hall within a few minutes, Mommy decides to make sure everything is okay. She finds Daddy and Baby laying in Mommy and Daddy's bed drinking a bottle. Mommy decides to snuggle with them on the other side of baby, but Baby decides to push Mommy away. When Mommy asks Baby, "Oh! So you don't want Mommy to lay with you?" Baby pushes Mommy away further. When Mommy asks, "You want Mommy to go away?" Baby shakes her head yes... Mommy sees where she ranks. I guess I'll just go snuggle with the dog, at least I know I'm HER favorite.

"Catch-Up"; The game which consumes my life

So it has been quite a while since I last wrote. I blame it on the fact that I tend to procrastinate, the fact that I rarely keep goals for myself because I'm too worried about keeping my house clean and my nearly-two-year-old under control, and the fact that I have a tendency to develop writers block after having written just a few things.

In my last post, I wrote about finding clarity. Life is immensely confusing, that's all there is to it. In this day and age, there is such a plethora of information at your fingertips that nearly anyone with a half-working brain and the ability to comprehend "double-u, double-u, double-u, dot" can put out there, it's extremely intimidating and overwhelming just attempting to figure out whether or not a single product is safe. I find it extremely discouraging to be bombarded with so much contradicting information because everyone has an opinion and the ability to make it heard. Granted, I believe that everyone has the right to be heard, I just find it difficult to decipher the hidden-agendas of others when I'm in search of information. The constant question running through my head is "who/what/why should I trust... (fill-in-the-blank)?"

I find myself at a loss of judgement when it comes to believing things that I read, hear, see, etc. But I've always been this way. Since I can remember, I have always had major trust issues. I guess in part, it can be attributed to growing up and constantly hearing the phrase, "you can't always believe everything you hear/read", and possibly to the fact that there have been very few people in my life who have kept a promise made to me or someone I care deeply about. And I bet it doesn't help that virtually every person I ever dated (minus my husband) cheated on me and broke my heart on top of it, while virtually every friend I had in high school stabbed me in the back and made my life a living hell for three years.

So why are people so horrible to each other? Why do we lack the ability to treat each other with dignity, respect, and compassion? Why do we have events like the Columbine, Virginia Tech, and Northern shootings? Why do we lack the intelligence and willingness to help others in need, or to provide everyone with the EXACT SAME dignity, rights, privileges, and punishments? Where in history did we f*#k up and learn to hate on another? Where did we learn the idea of intolerance, injustice, slavery, abuse, violence against one another, and plainly, just the ability to hate? I understand dislike, but I do not understand hate and intolerance? Who are we to say we are better than one another and hoard the beauty of life and deprive others of so much? And what do we have to show for it in return?

I feel ashamed at the thought that I cannot think of a single time in recorded history that there was not an injustice, intolerance, or hierarchy of humanity. Where did we learn to become so selfish and loathing? And is there even a shard of hope for a future of PURE and TRUE equality throughout the world?


While this is not a picture I like, it is a picture of the absurd reality of the world's situation. How is it possible for so few to have so much while so many have so little?

 While I could not be any more greatful for the life I have been given, and for the health and happiness of my family. I cannot help but feel guilty and ashamed of the fact that while I think my life becomes difficult at times,there are billions of people throughout the world who don't even come close to being as fortunate as the most unfortunate people in America. I can't help but wonder why only a few particular countries have been capable of achieving so much and depriving so many. In all honesty, it disgusts me, yet I am a contributing factor to the inequality of the world.