"Catch-Up"; The game which consumes my life

So it has been quite a while since I last wrote. I blame it on the fact that I tend to procrastinate, the fact that I rarely keep goals for myself because I'm too worried about keeping my house clean and my nearly-two-year-old under control, and the fact that I have a tendency to develop writers block after having written just a few things.

In my last post, I wrote about finding clarity. Life is immensely confusing, that's all there is to it. In this day and age, there is such a plethora of information at your fingertips that nearly anyone with a half-working brain and the ability to comprehend "double-u, double-u, double-u, dot" can put out there, it's extremely intimidating and overwhelming just attempting to figure out whether or not a single product is safe. I find it extremely discouraging to be bombarded with so much contradicting information because everyone has an opinion and the ability to make it heard. Granted, I believe that everyone has the right to be heard, I just find it difficult to decipher the hidden-agendas of others when I'm in search of information. The constant question running through my head is "who/what/why should I trust... (fill-in-the-blank)?"

I find myself at a loss of judgement when it comes to believing things that I read, hear, see, etc. But I've always been this way. Since I can remember, I have always had major trust issues. I guess in part, it can be attributed to growing up and constantly hearing the phrase, "you can't always believe everything you hear/read", and possibly to the fact that there have been very few people in my life who have kept a promise made to me or someone I care deeply about. And I bet it doesn't help that virtually every person I ever dated (minus my husband) cheated on me and broke my heart on top of it, while virtually every friend I had in high school stabbed me in the back and made my life a living hell for three years.

So why are people so horrible to each other? Why do we lack the ability to treat each other with dignity, respect, and compassion? Why do we have events like the Columbine, Virginia Tech, and Northern shootings? Why do we lack the intelligence and willingness to help others in need, or to provide everyone with the EXACT SAME dignity, rights, privileges, and punishments? Where in history did we f*#k up and learn to hate on another? Where did we learn the idea of intolerance, injustice, slavery, abuse, violence against one another, and plainly, just the ability to hate? I understand dislike, but I do not understand hate and intolerance? Who are we to say we are better than one another and hoard the beauty of life and deprive others of so much? And what do we have to show for it in return?

I feel ashamed at the thought that I cannot think of a single time in recorded history that there was not an injustice, intolerance, or hierarchy of humanity. Where did we learn to become so selfish and loathing? And is there even a shard of hope for a future of PURE and TRUE equality throughout the world?


While this is not a picture I like, it is a picture of the absurd reality of the world's situation. How is it possible for so few to have so much while so many have so little?

 While I could not be any more greatful for the life I have been given, and for the health and happiness of my family. I cannot help but feel guilty and ashamed of the fact that while I think my life becomes difficult at times,there are billions of people throughout the world who don't even come close to being as fortunate as the most unfortunate people in America. I can't help but wonder why only a few particular countries have been capable of achieving so much and depriving so many. In all honesty, it disgusts me, yet I am a contributing factor to the inequality of the world.